Yesterday, my 2nd Dexcom Meter, or CGM (Continuous Glucose Monitor), came in the mail. Honestly, this is the first time I've wanted to actually use it. Last year I got it for my mom---so she wouldnt freak the hell out when I went to college. For the first time, I've wanted to take care of myself because I know that I need to. Every 2 minutes, it reads my blood sugar through sensors that are placed in my skin with a needle/patch. It's really cool --especially with how fast things are moving on the diabetes research scale. (Did anyone know they'd reversed it in mice/rats? I mean you may have, but regardless-- I find it fascinating).
We all know that this has been a struggle for me the past...oh I dunno, billion years. But now, for me to want to have complete control over my bloodsugar, is different from my normal apathy. Now that I really am set on changing my life, my bloodsugar, and my overall quality of life, it's different than before. I feel like I'm growing up with my care and making a huge change. If I cannot control the fact that I have Type 1(or anything else in my life), I might as well have control on how I take care of myself. It sounds like one of those issues-- like people who are anorexic or cut themselves may do those things because the one thing they can control in their lives is either how much they eat, or the certain amount of pain they feel....I mean, I guess it sort of is...but not really. If you get what I mean.
On other things, I guess I have been having a rough time lately. In some cases--- I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place...with people, situations, everything. I wish I knew how to deal with things better...but I suppose that's why I have people who love me to point me in the right direction. I'm lucky to have those people---without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. Trust me, I'm working on a lot of stuff...it's just taking a while.
As for other things-- I 100 % cause those issues myself. For one, like forgetting to take the three most important medications (besides Insulin) that i NEED to take: my Synthroid (for thyroid/metabolism) and then my Lexapro and Wellbutrin ( for depression). If I don't take these pills, I'm tired and MISERABLE. So, I guess you're wondering why I don't? I forget...most of the time. There was a point this summer where I was just sick of caring (my bloodsugars were terrible too) and didn't take anything. BAD IDEA. Let me just tell you that right now---worst mistake ever. I went through mad withdrawl, with all the shaking, dizziness, irritable-ness, crying-- the whole shebang. I couldn't see straight most of the time. I decided then that I would never do that again.....however, occasionally, I forget. Brad gets upset when I don't take them--but he knows that I am trying. He only does because he cares and he sees what a mess I am when I do not take care of myself. Without him, or the other people who care so much for me-- I would be a complete mess.
ANYWHO. On to happier things--- tomorrow I'm going to my grandma's house to hand out with her and my Aunt Alice for the weekend -- should be fun :) I haven't spent individual time with them in a while and I'm excited for that. Then Monday rolls around and I'm off to the beach for three days to be with Brad and his family :) I didn't get to go last year -- so this is something I'm happy about. Sarah gets back from Basic Training either the 2nd or 3rd of August-- and I REALLY can't wait to see her. Lets see...then there is NH on the 7th to the 22nd (with Brad, Jamie, Janine and Laura [Matt's girlfriend ;) ] arriving on the 13th) so that should be fun...PLUS Aunt Sarah is flying into NH from CA from the 5-13 ...and I haven't seen her in a year so that should be fun....then I'm off to school on the 28th--and I REALLY cannot wait for that.
Jesus, I've rambled...and it's extremely late. Off to bed. Thanks for listening/reading :)
PEACE xx
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I hope the new Dexcom really helps. If you've got a phone with text messaging, you can set reminders in Google calendar that will text you. I've found this useful if I'm on a medicine that needs to be taken 3-4 times a day. It helps me a good deal.
ReplyDeleteYou taking charge of your life is nothing like anorexia or self mutilation because you're taking control of something in order to benefit yourself and make yourself healthier. People who suffer from anorexia and self mutilation are taking a problem in their lives (poor self image, depression) and not dealing with the base problem. Anorexics don't deal with their poor self image - they try to make themselves look prettier instead of learning to love themselves. People who self mutilate try to treat their sad thoughts instead of their thought patterns that bring them sad thoughts. YOU, on the other hand, have started identifying your base problems and are dealing with them the proper way - you're taking your meds (and on time, too!) because you know that things get worse if you don't. You're learning to trust the people that care about you, which means you don't feel as alone in the world anymore. You're learning to pick yourself up, and you're figuring out how to be the best Julie you can be, and I'm proud of you, honey bun.
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