So...only around 13 hours until I start the drive to Ocean City Md...and I cannot wait. My god I cannot wait. Sunny days on the beach, tannnnnnning, eating good food, the boardwalk...and all with my best friends. It honestly couldnt get much better than this. I am just excited as anything right now.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH :) We're going to have fun. Yoga in the AM's (some at least), MB teaching me kickboxing, watching movies --I'm too excited right now. It mioght be a problem. I mean I's also watching the flyers game so that COULD be getting me hyped up right now.... but yeah. They are losing at the moment. 2-0. They were doing so well the last two games --both shut outs 6-0 and 3-0. They'll come back though. I have faith.
So, two diabetes things to talk about --1.) My constant blood glucose monitor--my Dexcom. I have to renew it so i can get another sensor....because I lost it. I must say...its a PITA...like a huge one because i have to fill out a BG log for like 45-60 days band turn it in, in order to get a new one. ugh. 2.) This lady from United Health Care called for me today ....so naturally I called her back. She just wanted to know if I liked my doctors and if they were good enough for me and how I was coping with my "problems." My "problem" being diabetes. I mean, yeah its a pain and it is a problem, but no one has ever asked me if I was happy with doctors-- I guess it was cool? Her name is Tammy and she's going to call me once a month to check in. Cool.
Speaking of the diabetes....my 8 year anniversary will be while i'm away at the beach. 8 years. God I can't believe it's been that long. 8 years...ahhh. I'll write something about it when I get back from the beach.
On the bright side, it's one of my best friends, Melissa's, birthday today..soooooo HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEL! :) I'll see you in 13ish hours as we start out adventure.
Alrightyyyyyy --I'm out. Peace
PS: Montreal just scored again making it 3-0. Crud.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
And we frolicked about in our summer skin
Ahhhhhh I love summer. I love sleeping. I love not having to do work. I love everything about it. I love the fact that it's sunny and that I'm going to the beach in like...4 days. AHHHHH So exciting. As for today, I cleaned my room -- that was fun. I also went around Longfellow putting order forms in peoples doors for the "40th Anniversary" of Longfellow/4th of July t-shirt celebrations ...yadayadayada. I'm helping my neighbor out b/c she had knee surgery and obviously cannot get around the neighborhood.
I got a text from Turf Valley yesterday---I didn't get the job. So that officially sucks. I applied to SO MANY different places this summer and yet...no luck. I am unemployed for the 2nd summer in a row---fabbullouusss. Ill get a job eventually--and if I don't I'll do babysitting and other things to get money...but basically I'm poor. I should've kept my Panera job...(as much as I learned that the food business was not my thing...it was still a good job. I was stupid)
For some happy thoughts-- my legs and the rest of my body are really sore from the workouts I've been doing with my mom. Yesterday I did a bellydance cardio workout from on demand..and that was cool. Joss once told me that she did the ones on exercise tv....I wonder if it was the same one? I'll ask her eventually.
Tomorrow, I plan on going into Keough before my dr's appt at St. Agnes. Hopefully I'll see Mrs. Kenney and Ms. Casey -- I didn't get to see them when I went in in December. OH and Mrs. Russell and her PREGNANT BELLY. When did that happen? Fer serious.
ANYWHO. The Flyers are in their first game vs Montreal and they are kicking ass. Seriously. Kicking major butt. its 6-0 with a minute or so to go in the 3rd pd. Lets go Flyers --- lets win the cup.
As for my bloodsugar (since this technically should have something to do with that lovely part of me that is diabetes), it's been....eh. It was good when I went to bed last night (149 mg/dL) , then this morning I woke up to my insulin pump screaming at me that there was an "Occlusion Detected" so who knows how long I didn't get insulin. I got up and checked my sugar and it was like 313 or something...so that sucked. Then after I came back in from being outside for an hour or so I was 63....could I please just be....normal...with normal bloodsugars...cause this is killing me.
Well I'm out for tonight. Up early tomorrow to work out and go into keough.
Peace
I got a text from Turf Valley yesterday---I didn't get the job. So that officially sucks. I applied to SO MANY different places this summer and yet...no luck. I am unemployed for the 2nd summer in a row---fabbullouusss. Ill get a job eventually--and if I don't I'll do babysitting and other things to get money...but basically I'm poor. I should've kept my Panera job...(as much as I learned that the food business was not my thing...it was still a good job. I was stupid)
For some happy thoughts-- my legs and the rest of my body are really sore from the workouts I've been doing with my mom. Yesterday I did a bellydance cardio workout from on demand..and that was cool. Joss once told me that she did the ones on exercise tv....I wonder if it was the same one? I'll ask her eventually.
Tomorrow, I plan on going into Keough before my dr's appt at St. Agnes. Hopefully I'll see Mrs. Kenney and Ms. Casey -- I didn't get to see them when I went in in December. OH and Mrs. Russell and her PREGNANT BELLY. When did that happen? Fer serious.
ANYWHO. The Flyers are in their first game vs Montreal and they are kicking ass. Seriously. Kicking major butt. its 6-0 with a minute or so to go in the 3rd pd. Lets go Flyers --- lets win the cup.
As for my bloodsugar (since this technically should have something to do with that lovely part of me that is diabetes), it's been....eh. It was good when I went to bed last night (149 mg/dL) , then this morning I woke up to my insulin pump screaming at me that there was an "Occlusion Detected" so who knows how long I didn't get insulin. I got up and checked my sugar and it was like 313 or something...so that sucked. Then after I came back in from being outside for an hour or so I was 63....could I please just be....normal...with normal bloodsugars...cause this is killing me.
Well I'm out for tonight. Up early tomorrow to work out and go into keough.
Peace
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Don't call my name, don't call my name, Alejandro.
Last night's post was depressing. I'm sorry. At the moment I am just struggling. ...but on to something happy and fun. --Like Lady GaGa! Haha -- the title of this post is because after I woke up after the first phone call, I started singing Alejandro ;)...but anyway....
I'm going to be at the beach with my friends in 9 days and I hope it is sunny and fabulous and just awesome. Honestly. I just cannot wait to be with everyone (minus Sarah--so that sucks. Basic Training for 10 weeks...damn you Army, damn you) in the same place---just having fun. The place we have is nice and is going to be able to (somewhat) handle however many people we have. Main thing: it is somewhere that we'll stay and be together...and it's the BEACH! Senior Week Pt. Dos...here we come
This morning I got two phone calls: one from someone I didn't know, and one from someone I have really missed. The first one, which woke me up (so I was disoriented), was from some person asking if I had children named Rolando and like two others. I couldn't understand her at first-- I think she might have been from a doctors office or something-- but eventually I understood some of it and was like "Nope, I don't have children...sorry" (after her repeating it like 5 times).
The second call was from one of my best friends, Shelby. I had fallen back asleep after the doctors office/Rolando call...but barely...so I saw her name and enthusiastically picked up. She called just to say that she missed me and couldn't wait for the beach and to see me....She's still in school atm but the fact that she called me to say that really made my day. I've missed her and I can't wait to see her and everyone else =D
Anyway, I'm going to finally get up...check my sugar, take my meds, maybe eat something for breakfast and chill with my mom until my brother wakes up. We're supposed to go minigolfing or something fun today :)
Peace ;) xo
I'm going to be at the beach with my friends in 9 days and I hope it is sunny and fabulous and just awesome. Honestly. I just cannot wait to be with everyone (minus Sarah--so that sucks. Basic Training for 10 weeks...damn you Army, damn you) in the same place---just having fun. The place we have is nice and is going to be able to (somewhat) handle however many people we have. Main thing: it is somewhere that we'll stay and be together...and it's the BEACH! Senior Week Pt. Dos...here we come
This morning I got two phone calls: one from someone I didn't know, and one from someone I have really missed. The first one, which woke me up (so I was disoriented), was from some person asking if I had children named Rolando and like two others. I couldn't understand her at first-- I think she might have been from a doctors office or something-- but eventually I understood some of it and was like "Nope, I don't have children...sorry" (after her repeating it like 5 times).
The second call was from one of my best friends, Shelby. I had fallen back asleep after the doctors office/Rolando call...but barely...so I saw her name and enthusiastically picked up. She called just to say that she missed me and couldn't wait for the beach and to see me....She's still in school atm but the fact that she called me to say that really made my day. I've missed her and I can't wait to see her and everyone else =D
Anyway, I'm going to finally get up...check my sugar, take my meds, maybe eat something for breakfast and chill with my mom until my brother wakes up. We're supposed to go minigolfing or something fun today :)
Peace ;) xo
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Why?
Why is it, after I've had a great day with my friends, that I look at pictures of myself and want to vomit? I don't know. I feel like I'm completely obese and ugly and terrible looking. This post isn't to inspire "Oh but Julie..." comments...so please don't. It's just a rant....I guess.
I wish I could see myself in a positive light...one where I didn't hate everything about myself-- from my face, to my hips, to my bum, ---to basically everything on my body. I dunno. Isn't that what therapy and drugs are supposed to do---solve all of these problems? Maybe I'm just having a negative emotion type of day...I walked past windows and DC and just ....I dunno...almost cried. Right then and there in front of the people I am generally the most comfortable around. Why can't I just enjoy myself? I may never know.
The majority of my weight/self esteem issues began after I was diagnosed with diabetes when I was ten...but I remember when I was little I was always self conscious of how I looked. Third Grade especially. I had just moved to a new school and I did that thing where you pork up before you grow a bunch...so that was fun. But when I was little, my brother used to know what really got to me -- he would make a tummy signal with his hands, as if I were fat. I don't think you could really call me fat as a child...just as a third grader. There were some harsh pictures from that year. ICK. It's just sad that at such a young age I was so worried about that. Arent those the years where you are supposed to be young and innocent? I suppose so...but my innocence was taken from me at the age of ten when I had to grow up and learn how to take care of myself. Most girls my age were running around, having fun, and not having to worry about what their bloodsugar was...not having to care about how many carbs were in a nutty bar or in the lunch their mom packed from home....but I was stuck with it...I guess. Even now, in college-- people get packages from home all the time. Ones with notes, magazines, and little odds and ends. What do I get? Medical packages. Always medical packages. Whether its prescription meds, dexcom supplies,or animas pump supplies...I've just learned not to get my hopes up when I get a "YOU HAVE A PACKAGE!" email from st. mary's.
Anywho... After the diabetes hospital experience, everything went downhill from there. Not only did my pancreas fail, so did my thyroid. I was diagnosed with Graves disease ( hyperthyroidism) within a year of getting diabetes. I mean, it makes sense....they are both part of the endocrine system...and I'm doomed anyway so, hell, why not give me another disease. Depression came on in the 10th grade. I couldnt go a day without crying/breakingdown/etc etc. Med count then: 3 - insulin, synthroid and lexapro. Now its 5 - insulin, synthroid, lexapro and 2 wellbutrins (also for depression)
I once had a sleepover with my friend MB where I said something like "Jesus and God are sitting up on a cloud and they look down and see me. Jesus says to God, "Hey look...fuck that Julie girl....lets give her another disease!" -- now before anyone (if anyone even reads this) goes apeshit that I was talking about Jesus and God--it was a joke. MB's youth counselor like scolded her for that when she put it as her status...ha-ha. I've learned to make fun of myself when it comes to my illnesses, but when it comes to my body type/structure/weight...I don't give myself a break. I look terrible. I'm gross and thats how I feel about myself. I suppose its good that my mom is helping me this summer.* I mean...it's not like I dont exercise. I do. I played hockey for like 5 years and Ive danced for 16....its just...my body hates me--ha-ha-ha* I've always dreamed what it would be like to be thinner...maybe this summer my body/life wont hate me and let me lose the stuff I don't want anymore.
Fat. Ugly. Gross. Diseased. I should've used those things to describe me in my interview today...though if I had...the interview wouldve gone downhill.
Sorry for the depressing post...I needed to let it out somewhere or I would've sat in my bed crying until I fell asleep. I need advil cause I've got this killer headache going on.
Peace.
PS: I'm home--wouldn't you think that would make me happier? Guess not....
P.P.S: If you leave a comment-- let me know who it is <3 :) (Dalyce and whoever else -- thanks for the support :) Dalyce -- Ill definitely hit you up for the gym!)
I wish I could see myself in a positive light...one where I didn't hate everything about myself-- from my face, to my hips, to my bum, ---to basically everything on my body. I dunno. Isn't that what therapy and drugs are supposed to do---solve all of these problems? Maybe I'm just having a negative emotion type of day...I walked past windows and DC and just ....I dunno...almost cried. Right then and there in front of the people I am generally the most comfortable around. Why can't I just enjoy myself? I may never know.
The majority of my weight/self esteem issues began after I was diagnosed with diabetes when I was ten...but I remember when I was little I was always self conscious of how I looked. Third Grade especially. I had just moved to a new school and I did that thing where you pork up before you grow a bunch...so that was fun. But when I was little, my brother used to know what really got to me -- he would make a tummy signal with his hands, as if I were fat. I don't think you could really call me fat as a child...just as a third grader. There were some harsh pictures from that year. ICK. It's just sad that at such a young age I was so worried about that. Arent those the years where you are supposed to be young and innocent? I suppose so...but my innocence was taken from me at the age of ten when I had to grow up and learn how to take care of myself. Most girls my age were running around, having fun, and not having to worry about what their bloodsugar was...not having to care about how many carbs were in a nutty bar or in the lunch their mom packed from home....but I was stuck with it...I guess. Even now, in college-- people get packages from home all the time. Ones with notes, magazines, and little odds and ends. What do I get? Medical packages. Always medical packages. Whether its prescription meds, dexcom supplies,or animas pump supplies...I've just learned not to get my hopes up when I get a "YOU HAVE A PACKAGE!" email from st. mary's.
Anywho... After the diabetes hospital experience, everything went downhill from there. Not only did my pancreas fail, so did my thyroid. I was diagnosed with Graves disease ( hyperthyroidism) within a year of getting diabetes. I mean, it makes sense....they are both part of the endocrine system...and I'm doomed anyway so, hell, why not give me another disease. Depression came on in the 10th grade. I couldnt go a day without crying/breakingdown/etc etc. Med count then: 3 - insulin, synthroid and lexapro. Now its 5 - insulin, synthroid, lexapro and 2 wellbutrins (also for depression)
I once had a sleepover with my friend MB where I said something like "Jesus and God are sitting up on a cloud and they look down and see me. Jesus says to God, "Hey look...fuck that Julie girl....lets give her another disease!" -- now before anyone (if anyone even reads this) goes apeshit that I was talking about Jesus and God--it was a joke. MB's youth counselor like scolded her for that when she put it as her status...ha-ha. I've learned to make fun of myself when it comes to my illnesses, but when it comes to my body type/structure/weight...I don't give myself a break. I look terrible. I'm gross and thats how I feel about myself. I suppose its good that my mom is helping me this summer.* I mean...it's not like I dont exercise. I do. I played hockey for like 5 years and Ive danced for 16....its just...my body hates me--ha-ha-ha* I've always dreamed what it would be like to be thinner...maybe this summer my body/life wont hate me and let me lose the stuff I don't want anymore.
Fat. Ugly. Gross. Diseased. I should've used those things to describe me in my interview today...though if I had...the interview wouldve gone downhill.
Sorry for the depressing post...I needed to let it out somewhere or I would've sat in my bed crying until I fell asleep. I need advil cause I've got this killer headache going on.
Peace.
PS: I'm home--wouldn't you think that would make me happier? Guess not....
P.P.S: If you leave a comment-- let me know who it is <3 :) (Dalyce and whoever else -- thanks for the support :) Dalyce -- Ill definitely hit you up for the gym!)
Sunday, May 2, 2010
So, it's supposed to rain tomorrow....or today...technically...and I'm excited
St. Mary's City gets obnoxiously hot when it wants to. And when I say obnoxiously hot, I mean like 90's and then your air conditioner, which has been working for oh, two days....decides that it will just push out hot air. Not. Cool. When I left yesterday to give my roommate and her boyfriend "alone" time....it was freezing and nice and I was happy. I came back today...and it was ....disgusting. Maybe it's just because I hate being warm and I THRIVE/ am comfortable with a fan on in my bedroom 95% of the year (I get that from my Daddy)...but it was hot as anything in my room...and still is.
AGH. I just want this week to be done with. I want to move back home, into my own room (that I don't have to share with ANYONE), with my own bed, and a fan that is constantly on me. I want to see my puppies and my kitten, my family, and most of all-- my friends who I have been dying to just hug. Like, I just want a hug from ALL of them right now. That's all. I feel like my mood would go from completely crappy to awesome if that could happen. I'm sick of writing papers and taking exams and caring about things. I want to be able to go downstairs to get ice water and regular food ( that isn't fried or from the Great Room -- not bashing St. Mary's dining....but I'm ready for Mom's cooking again). I cannot wait to be able to shower in my own shower without shower shoes. That would be nice. Alas, 8 days from now, I will be home....so I cannot complain too much.
Yesterday (Saturday) was really nice. It was hot as ANYTHING but we played frisbee and went to the waterfront. I ended up taking Brad sailing for the first time (it really made me want to be in NH)....and that, of course, was an adventure. Once we got out on the river, we were great -- sailing along at a good pace...the sailboats down here have a main sail and a jib ....which I haven't sailed with since camp--but I put Brad in charge of the jib and steered us into the middle of the river. Brad got nervous 'cause we started going fast and the boat was at an angle....where he was closer to the water....but it wasn't terrible. I think he just feared falling out/capsizing...which I told him I wouldn't do. Other than that, it was a lot of fun, and really relaxing. When we tried to go in to the dock....well, that's when things got complicated. The wind basically died on us and it took us about a half an hour to get from the buoy to the dock. That was fun...ha. I mean it was, just not that part.
All and all, things are pretty good here in So. MD. Just a bit stressful with....1. A sociology paper, 2. a sosh test, 3. a presentation on Argentina WITH OUT note cards...completely from mem and entirely in spanish (joy....), and finally, 4. a Social Psych test..... I took my spanish and anthro exams on friday, thank god. I'll survive, I promise.
My bloodsugar hasn't been very nice to me...I'm either dropping below 70 mg/dL or going above 180 mg/dL -- and I would rather not. I'm pretty sure I dropped in the middle of my spanish final...but luckily I had carbs on hand b/c I had slept through lunch (damn alarm on my phone being set for 1130 PM rather than AM....). Frankly, I'm just really sick of it and having to deal with everything. I was watching my friend Christine drink a bottle of powerade on Saturday, and I thought to myself as I looked into my purse, "I'm gonna have to dose for this blue (yet very refreshing and totally necessary) powerade....I wonder if her pancreas is already responding." Lame, I know. But it goes through my head a lot. My friends here, and at home, and even my family just go and eat whatever and don't have to worry if/how it will affect them later on. Sure, they might get a sugar high if they eat/drink something particularly high in sugar/carbs, but it doesn't affect them like it affects me. God, I'm complaining. I apologize, 'cause I don't mean to sound angsty....it just bothers me a lot.
I'll get over it.
Well, I'm off to bed.
AGH. I just want this week to be done with. I want to move back home, into my own room (that I don't have to share with ANYONE), with my own bed, and a fan that is constantly on me. I want to see my puppies and my kitten, my family, and most of all-- my friends who I have been dying to just hug. Like, I just want a hug from ALL of them right now. That's all. I feel like my mood would go from completely crappy to awesome if that could happen. I'm sick of writing papers and taking exams and caring about things. I want to be able to go downstairs to get ice water and regular food ( that isn't fried or from the Great Room -- not bashing St. Mary's dining....but I'm ready for Mom's cooking again). I cannot wait to be able to shower in my own shower without shower shoes. That would be nice. Alas, 8 days from now, I will be home....so I cannot complain too much.
Yesterday (Saturday) was really nice. It was hot as ANYTHING but we played frisbee and went to the waterfront. I ended up taking Brad sailing for the first time (it really made me want to be in NH)....and that, of course, was an adventure. Once we got out on the river, we were great -- sailing along at a good pace...the sailboats down here have a main sail and a jib ....which I haven't sailed with since camp--but I put Brad in charge of the jib and steered us into the middle of the river. Brad got nervous 'cause we started going fast and the boat was at an angle....where he was closer to the water....but it wasn't terrible. I think he just feared falling out/capsizing...which I told him I wouldn't do. Other than that, it was a lot of fun, and really relaxing. When we tried to go in to the dock....well, that's when things got complicated. The wind basically died on us and it took us about a half an hour to get from the buoy to the dock. That was fun...ha. I mean it was, just not that part.
All and all, things are pretty good here in So. MD. Just a bit stressful with....1. A sociology paper, 2. a sosh test, 3. a presentation on Argentina WITH OUT note cards...completely from mem and entirely in spanish (joy....), and finally, 4. a Social Psych test..... I took my spanish and anthro exams on friday, thank god. I'll survive, I promise.
My bloodsugar hasn't been very nice to me...I'm either dropping below 70 mg/dL or going above 180 mg/dL -- and I would rather not. I'm pretty sure I dropped in the middle of my spanish final...but luckily I had carbs on hand b/c I had slept through lunch (damn alarm on my phone being set for 1130 PM rather than AM....). Frankly, I'm just really sick of it and having to deal with everything. I was watching my friend Christine drink a bottle of powerade on Saturday, and I thought to myself as I looked into my purse, "I'm gonna have to dose for this blue (yet very refreshing and totally necessary) powerade....I wonder if her pancreas is already responding." Lame, I know. But it goes through my head a lot. My friends here, and at home, and even my family just go and eat whatever and don't have to worry if/how it will affect them later on. Sure, they might get a sugar high if they eat/drink something particularly high in sugar/carbs, but it doesn't affect them like it affects me. God, I'm complaining. I apologize, 'cause I don't mean to sound angsty....it just bothers me a lot.
I'll get over it.
Well, I'm off to bed.
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